NO PICTURE WEEK

Hi, what a week. Sorry no pictures this time, I'll explain later. First, I want to pass on my favorite new phrases in Spanish. As I passed the KFC I saw the sign for "finger-lickin' good" -- "para chuparse los dedos". Literally translated as "for one to suck the fingers." God I love that! I think sucking the fingers is more exact than licking. I give this one to the Mexicans. Another thing they say better is "aqui tiene" when they give you something, like in a restaurant. It literally translates as "here you have". I was having coffee and the waiter gave me my coffee, "aqui tiene". Then he asked me to help him with his English. So I told him for the gringos he should say "here you go". Of course he thought I didn't understand. Go? who's going? what's going? "Here you go" really doesn't make any sense does it? Another win for the the Mexicans.

OK, now for the dirty words -- my favorite so far is "huevon" literally to be like eggs. It indicates laziness. Follow the logic: huevos are eggs, they also call testicles eggs. So to be huevon is to hang around doing nothing, just getting in the way -- like testicles. Brilliant!! Another win for the Mexicans. I can not think of anything that descriptive and creative in English. Write to me if you have examples.

A word you hear a lot here is "pinche". Rough translation is "fucking". The pinche traffic, the pinche police, you can refer to your buddy, in a joking way of course, as a pinche pendejo. Used all the time. And speaking of pinche pendejos I was robbed last Friday night.

Don't freak out, I'm OK -- quite a bit poorer, but just fine. I had been talking with a young guy at the Starbucks. It was the second time I had met him and he was really, really charming and great at helping me with my Spanish. He asked where I lived and I told him I lived very close. We had been talking about my translation program on my laptop and the pictures I had taken. He really wanted to see this so I invited him to my apartment to look. I really didn't have ulterior motives. I mean I'm no saint and it's not that the thought didn't cross my mind, but it really was an innocent invitation. He asked to stop at the store to get some wine as a present for me, fine. We were looking at the translation program, I drank a glass of the shitty wine he bought and the next thing I remember is walking around groggily at 5:30. The pinche pendejo drugged me. He stole my laptop, my camera (ergo, no pictures this week), my wallet, my money, my credit cards (including the ones I had hidden for emergencies), my two telephones, my passport, my suitcase which he filled up with five suits, 10 shirts, my best pairs of shoes. He also took my smaller case which had my contacts, my spare pair of glasses, then he went into the bathroom and stole my glasses from there. There's actually a lot more, but you get the idea.

Now don't get too worried because for every one bad person that comes into your life, 10 angels appear. I walked to my buddy Juan Carlos who was a prince and helped my get on the phone and start the recovery process. He also helped me get the police report -- that could be an entire blog in itself. The United States embassy has been great. Then I made those tough calls to my overly-protective sisters and my family in Chicago, Keith and Nancy. Of course it's sort of tough to call them overly-protective after what happened, I suppose. Karen wired me money and I started a long week of putting my life back in order. Keith and Nancy are helping me replace my contacts and my computer. My buddy in Chicago, Sami, has offered to send me new lyric sheets for my gigs. Everything is going to be OK. Damn, I'm sorry to be such a bother to my family and friends. Especially Keith and Nancy now as they are carrying the load of getting me a lot of the new stuff. I LOVE YOU KEITH. And Nancy if you were a guy I'd love you just as much.

Speaking of princes, two people came into my life that I probably would not have met -- Brian Kirby and Ricardo Gonzalez. Brian lives in my building and came to the rescue of a fellow gringo in trouble. Brian is gay, from Illinois, and a CPA. Damn it's a small world. He and his Mexican buddy Ricardo have been constantly helping me since the robbery and I have new best friends. But don't tell them that, I'm trying to learn the lingo here where you call your best friend a pinche puta. And let's face it, always telling someone how great they are and how you could never have survived this ordeal without them is pretty boring, even if it's true. They're fucking great and I will never be able to repay them and Juan Carlos and my sisters and my friends for their help. I am a really lucky guy to have these people in my life. I believe I'll manage without the Jerry Lewis telethon, but if anyone is inclined to mention my problems to Jerry, it could be a very compelling show. I think we could do it in just a few hours of television, not the whole weekend. But prime time naturally.

I now have one new suit, a new telephone, glasses ordered, etc. I also have a cool piano gig now every Thursday. Resources has been a lot more encouraging about an accounting job. My new buddy Ricardo is tutoring me privately in Spanish (I can ask him certain questions I couldn't ask my professor at the university). I'm even talking (very prematurely, but seriously) with Brian and Ricardo about starting our own English Language school here. Life is good. Hopefully, I'll have pictures back in the blog soon.

Affectionately GagginMexico. fmarlman@aol.com

HAPPY DAY OF THE DEAD

Mexico City has 20 million people. I think 10 million were in the main square today for the Day of the Dead Celebrations. Everyone has to eat some Day of the Dead Bread which they form to look like a pile of bones. It's really tasty, loaded with butter and covered in sugar. The first pictures shows ovens they set up in the square to bake Pan de Dia de los Muertos. Of course they sell it all over town from street corner puestos to the Wal-Mart.

There were tons of scenes set up with skeletons taking the place of people. Some on a bus, some baking bread, street scenes. My favorite was the professional wrestling. Do you think this guy has a death grip on his opponent?

Where's the ref, this guy shouldn't be jumping out of the ring should he?




So here's the perfect opportunity for me to tell my favorite wrestling joke. Johnny, a kid who had never won a match was going up against the undefeated phenomonen. The entire state was talking about the mysterious wrestling hold he had perfected, THE PRETZEL. No one ever gets out of THE PRETZEL. So the coach watches Johnny fall into THE PRETZEL hold and figures that's it. But suddenly Johnny exhibits super human strength and bursts out of the hold and pins the undefeated champion. The coach gets Johnny back to the locker room and asks how the hell he got out of that hold. "Well coach, there I was in THE PRETZEL and I figure I'm done for. But right in front of my face I see testicles -- so I bite 'em. Damn, it's amazing what you can do when you bite your own testicles." Sorry folks.


Here's some cuties. Look behind the little devil, you'll see the wall of skulls. It's in the exact location where the Aztecs had their real wall of skulls from their sacrifices. The third cutie is Alex from my Spanish Class. She's from Singapore, cool, huh? Don't get your hopes up you guys who are still hoping I'll bring home a nice girl. Her husband David (also a cutie) is just outside the picture. She's standing next to murals they make with the bread.







Now here's a warning. The next picture is really scary. If you are at all squeamish, don't scroll down. MEDICAL WARNING!! IF YOU HAVE A WEAK HEART, PLEASE LEAVE THE BLOG NOW. I'm not sure what kind of mentality could have come up with such a monster as this, but here it is for posterity. Scroll down if you dare.










PLEASE TAKE A DEEP BREATH -- PREPARE YOURSELF!!













Come visit, if you dare. GAGGinMexico. fmarlman@aol.com

WEIRD FRUITS

Hi guys,


Now don't get the wrong idea from the title. This is about things you eat.(?) I promise something more salacious in the future. Speaking of weird fruits, however, I did go to my favorite gay cantina this week and sang karaoke. They really loved me!! I sang a song in Spanish and they were stomping their feet and shouting "otra, otra" which means "more, more" -- I think. I hope! A really sweet old guy came and kissed me on the cheek and asked me to sing Sinatra's "New Jork, New Jork". How could I refuse, ham that I am. I also met Josue (Spanish for Joshua). Very elegant, 40, and good English. He's the customer service supervisor for Nordstrom's in Mexico. So I have a date with Alejandro tonight, Juan Carlos is taking me to a Halloween party tomorrow (just friends), and a date with Josue on Tuesday. I know you doubted me when I said I was the most beautiful man in Mexico City. The eye of the beholder must be a little myopic here, but what the hell.




So on to the truly weird fruit. First the chayote. I need some suggestions of what I should do with this ugly thing. Keep it clean!! It's about the size of a pear and in the squash family. It's crispy and a little like jicama. I ate it raw with lime juice, chili, and salt. Very tasty. My Spanish teacher says to parboil it and add onion and cheese. Seems weird, but I'll try it anything that sounds weird

Now here's my juice lady, Lucila. I asked her for a juice that would make me handsome. She confirmed my thoughts that I was handsome, but maybe could lose a little weight. Brutal honesty is always good from your hairdresser, your doctor, and your juice lady. Apparently, the Mexican ladies don't find me as attractive as the men -- perfect!! So on her advice I have a daily glass of Licuado Verde. There are a lot of ingredients and it takes quite a while to make. It starts with a little fresh orange juice and pineapple. Then the green things start getting thrown in. Celery leaves (the stalk is thrown away), parsley, nopal (prickly pear cactus stems), and xoconostle (see picture below). She's very tolerant of my bad Spanish and really sweet. I've met all of her five kids in two weeks -- there's always one at the stand with her. Note the everpresent pictures of Jesus, the Virgin of Guadalupe, and the flowers. Usually plastic flowers, but Lucila's are real. I only go the upscale juice ladies. With Jesus and the Virgin looking over her shoulder, the juice must be good, right? Maybe tomorrow I'll ask for a Jesus juice and see what I get. It's too late for the Virgin juice, I presume.

So here's the famous xoconostle. It's about the size of kiwi and slightly tart. One of the upscale restaurants here cooks it with a heavy syrup and serves it over ice cream. Lucila told me something about them and the words gas. So I'm not sure if they cause gas, cure gas, or are the future of ethanol. If anybody knows, please write.




















I will try to update the blog every Friday. Write me or come visit, some of you could use a little Jesus juice.



Affectionately, GAGG in Mexico fmarlman@aol.com

Don't Tell My Mom

Hola Amigos,

So I'm here in Mexico City and doing OK. Moving is hard.


The first thing you need to know is that I intend this blog to be frank and unexpurgated. So DON'T DISCUSS WITH MY MOTHER!! She gets a special edited version.


To start with I thought it would help to give you a feel for where I grew up. The town is Las Animas, Colorado. I just spent a year there last week. The full name is Las Animas Perdidas in Purgatorio -- translation, "Lost Souls in Purgatory." Here's a picture of the landscape outside of Las Animas. It pretty much explains the name doesn't it?

Bleak, ain't it? This is the exact spot where my great grandfather had a country store and gas station in the 1930's -- including an illegal slot machine. He built right on the county line, so when the sherriff came to investigate, he would just push the one-armed bandit into the other county on the other side of the store. Unfortunately, they sometimes got together and arrived at the same time to smash it up. He would then just buy another one.


Here's a picture of the courthouse, kind of nice I suppose. Las Animas is the seat of Bent County. Nobody there thinks it's funny that the county is named "Bent." They also don't think it's funny that our football team is called the Trojans. Sarcasm is pretty much wasted in this little town. But the picture does show the best thing about Las Animas, the sky is always big and blue.







So are you wondering about my blog's title? Translation -- Gringo (you know what that means), Alto (tall), Guapo (handsome), Gordo (fat). Of course the acronym GAGG is funny. Gag like a joke, not like choking on something, come on!! Isn't it strange that the same word can cover both? English is crazy. One of the reasons I moved to Mexico City (not the only reason) is that I'm considered quite the handsome guy here. They like their men tall and a little chunky. Don't you think everyone should live in the place where they are considered the most beautiful?


This town is loud and confusing and sometimes a little dirty and dangerous. But it is filled with unexpected pleasures if your open your eyes and heart. As I left my apartment yesterday, I took this picture. There are 7 food stands right outside my door. Hey, a clown's gotta eat, right?




Affectionately yours, GAGG in Mexico. fmarlman@aol.com