MARIPOSA MIEDOSA

Hola gringos,

Title translation: Scared Butterfly. There have been a lot of butterfly references in my brief Mexico stay. First of all, in Mexico "mariposa" is a euphemism for gay. Second, I chose "Mariposa Miedosa" as my Luchador (professional wrestling) name. Third, I went to the mountains on Sunday to see millions of Monarch Butterflies. These amazing creatures travel thousands of miles from the Unites States and Canada to their winter breeding grounds in the Mexican mountains. Just like me, I also flew to my Mexican winter breeding grounds. Here is a picture of one of the forest rangers watching us tourists watch the butterflies.

The trip up the mountain was hell! We started out on foot. The trail was very rocky and straight uphill. After 15 minutes of arduous trekking we were getting tired and asked how much further to the butterflies -- 2 more hours! I almost cried -- OK, I did cry. After I dried my eyes, I started heading back downhill to rent a horse. The irritating thing is, they were following us knowing that we would never make it. So I picked the sturdiest horse and I was on my way uphill with my 11 year old guide Malquimedes. He was very timid at first but later he wouldn't stop talking. I understood about 10%. Here are a couple of pictures of my buddy. Notice the shoes --who needs fancy hiking boots? -- and no socks!! This kid had no trouble getting up and down the mountain on foot. His eight year old cousin also made the trip as a guide.

Here is Malquimedes with my intrepid steed. I named her "too stupid not to run away from the fat gringo." She was very gentle but had a mischievous colt that followed us all the way. The colt particularly enjoyed trying to pass us in narrow, steep areas.

The trip cost $15 with a horse. I gave my buddy a $5 tip and he was very excited. I later saw him blowing it on video games in the little store. Good for him!! His older brother (really cute) took us for coffee at their home. It was really nice and they served us coffee for free. It was called cafe olla and had some flavors I was not familiar with -- it was really good!

Here's my art shot of scenery along the trail.

And finally, here's the Mariposa Miedosa in his natural habitat. The ranger looked really nervous when I started to sit down. I managed to do it without killing one butterfly. But he looked at my ass and calculated the potential for 137 butterfly deaths. The mariposas liked me, they really liked me! Notice the one on my knee. His nickname is Monty. He promised to keep in touch. But he will be gone in a few more months. Just like the Mexico City mariposas, they flutter and flit, land on my knee, we get friendly, and they disappear after a few months.

I'm heading to a beach in the state of Oaxaca for the holiday. It's a 14 hour bus trip. I will be staying at a beach cabana run by an expatriate American guy in Zipolite. Zipolite is known for being laid back, gay friendly, cheap, and the nude beach. Don't worry, I scared enough animals last week, I think I'll keep the suit on. I'll tell you about it next week.

.

Until then, affectionately yours, GagginMexico fmarlman@aol.com

HAPPY VIRGIN DAY

Hola gringos,

Did you miss virgin day? It was Wednesday (ironic to have Virgin day on Hump day isn't it?). It was the Fiesta of the Virgin of Guadalupe. Catholicism is so much more ingrained in this country than anywhere else I've been.. For example, the names of businesses.

Please note that the sign indicates that the Jesus Pharmacy offers discounts. Well it's newer in the business than its competition "God Pharmacy." They are probably trying to build a little market share before they jack up the prices. It's always this way with deity businesses. No kidding they really do have the pharmacy of God. They also have pharmacies named after monastic orders and astrological signs. A little voodoo with your science never hurts.

Just a little background on the Virgin of Guadalupe. She is the Mexican version of the Virgin Mary with brown skin. Of course, the original Mary very well might have had brown skin. Right after the Spanish started their campaign to convert the Indians to Catholicism she appeared to an Indian named Juan Diego. JD told the priests, but they didn't believe him. So she appeared again and put her picture on his cape as proof that she had appeared to him. This cape is what is on display in the Basilica of the Virgin in the north of Mexico city. The cape display has a really odd system of moving sidewalks in front of it so you can't stop and gawk. You just glide right by and pay your respects quickly.

The Virgin of Guadalupe has got to be one of the greatest gimmicks of all time. In the 1500's They were having a hard time trying to push Catholicism on the Indians. Then they got smart and decided to market it as something too good for the Indians. The priests at first "couldn't believe" she could have brown skin and appear to a mere Indian. The desired Indian response, "Well damn right I'm good enough for your virgin to appear -- or to buy your product." Brilliant!! and it worked. It turns out that Juan Diego was no mere peasant. He worked with the priests and was a former Aztec nobleman. So whether you believe it was a miracle or an invention of the priests, either way it was marketing genius.

I'll leave you today with a picture of my local bookstore -- sort of the neighborhood Barnes & Noble. My favorite things here are the National Geographics in English from the 60's & 70's. Sixty cents for one or two for a dollar. The smell of mildew is free.

Teaser for next week. I'm going this Sunday to the mountains to look at the migration of Monarch Butterflies. This is their winter home and there are millions of them in one spot.

Affectionately yours, GagginMexico. fmarlman@aol.com

MONSTER AND LOVER

Hola gringos, sorry if you were worried about me. I am a lot better. My mom and sister Linda came to visit bearing gifts from afar -- two wise women. OK, I'd been hoping for three wise men with beautiful eyes and a passive nature from the east of Mexico, say Veracruz. But these two women brought real love and presents. Mom bought me a suit, I now own three which I think will be OK if I get a job. Linda brought me a laptop and sweaters (it's quite cold here in the mornings), and a digital camera from my other sister Karen. I'm almost a real person again with possessions and everything. I promise that I will have pictures next week and an upbeat blog.

I know a lot of you wish I would just come home. I will if I don't get a job soon (I have an interview next week). But I hate being told no and I feel like Mexico City is trying to tell me "No, Gringo!". Then it turns around and does something wonderful. We had a Posada celebration at the Spanish Language School. Half of us stood outside portraying Joseph and Mary on their journey to Bethlehem and sang a song asking to be admitted into the inn. The other half stood inside and sang back responses and finally let us in. Inside was a great punch with fruit and sugar cane (fun to chew the sugar cane after you drink the punch). They had two huge pinatas for the kids. My profesora also pushed me out there to take a couple of good whacks at it. Then they served tostadas and chicken with mole. I don't think Joseph and Mary had it quite that nice -- a great tradition. Coming up on December 12th is the day of the Virgin of Guadalupe. I'll write more about that next week.

About the title for this week's blog -- it is a quote from the author Paco Ignacio Taibo II. He was originally from Spain but has lived in Mexico City for 40 years. He writes detective stories based in Mexico City. In an interview he described Mexico city as "a monster and a lover." I know exactly how he feels.

Affectionately yours, GAGGinMexico fmarlman@aol.com

SICK AND TIRED

Sorry for no posting last week. I have been pathetic, mentally and physically. I was not meant to be sick and poor. For the last week I have been terribly sick with the flu. I also still don't have my credit cards or ATM card three weeks after the robbery. I am getting really frustrated. Right now, they are in a DHL package in Mexican customs. FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS AND NO IDEA WHEN THEY WILL BE RELEASED!!!! I'm a little stressed.

Why did the fucker have to take my clothes and my contacts and my glasses. Is there a market for blind giants I was unaware of. I wear the same shoes all the time, I have only one belt, the replacement glasses I bought here are not so great and are really ugly. I don't want to spend any money in case the cards don't come through. My friends and family have been great in helping me -- BUT I SORT OF HATE BEING HELPED. Maybe I should get over that.

On the plus side, I played last night and they loved me. I got a note addressed to Señor Pianista. Very sweet. I do look good in my one suit. I have lost a lot of weight due to sickness and depression. I did make creamed spinach yesterday for a gringo Thanksgiving dinner -- then they cancelled the dinner.

My friend Juan Carlos is taking me to see a wrestling match tonight. That should be fun. Maybe half naked sweaty men groping each other will cheer me up. If that doesn't do it, nothing will, right?

Thanks for the therapy session everybody, I hope I'll have something amusing to say next week.

Affectionately yours, GAGGinMexico fmarlman@aol.com

NO PICTURE WEEK

Hi, what a week. Sorry no pictures this time, I'll explain later. First, I want to pass on my favorite new phrases in Spanish. As I passed the KFC I saw the sign for "finger-lickin' good" -- "para chuparse los dedos". Literally translated as "for one to suck the fingers." God I love that! I think sucking the fingers is more exact than licking. I give this one to the Mexicans. Another thing they say better is "aqui tiene" when they give you something, like in a restaurant. It literally translates as "here you have". I was having coffee and the waiter gave me my coffee, "aqui tiene". Then he asked me to help him with his English. So I told him for the gringos he should say "here you go". Of course he thought I didn't understand. Go? who's going? what's going? "Here you go" really doesn't make any sense does it? Another win for the the Mexicans.

OK, now for the dirty words -- my favorite so far is "huevon" literally to be like eggs. It indicates laziness. Follow the logic: huevos are eggs, they also call testicles eggs. So to be huevon is to hang around doing nothing, just getting in the way -- like testicles. Brilliant!! Another win for the Mexicans. I can not think of anything that descriptive and creative in English. Write to me if you have examples.

A word you hear a lot here is "pinche". Rough translation is "fucking". The pinche traffic, the pinche police, you can refer to your buddy, in a joking way of course, as a pinche pendejo. Used all the time. And speaking of pinche pendejos I was robbed last Friday night.

Don't freak out, I'm OK -- quite a bit poorer, but just fine. I had been talking with a young guy at the Starbucks. It was the second time I had met him and he was really, really charming and great at helping me with my Spanish. He asked where I lived and I told him I lived very close. We had been talking about my translation program on my laptop and the pictures I had taken. He really wanted to see this so I invited him to my apartment to look. I really didn't have ulterior motives. I mean I'm no saint and it's not that the thought didn't cross my mind, but it really was an innocent invitation. He asked to stop at the store to get some wine as a present for me, fine. We were looking at the translation program, I drank a glass of the shitty wine he bought and the next thing I remember is walking around groggily at 5:30. The pinche pendejo drugged me. He stole my laptop, my camera (ergo, no pictures this week), my wallet, my money, my credit cards (including the ones I had hidden for emergencies), my two telephones, my passport, my suitcase which he filled up with five suits, 10 shirts, my best pairs of shoes. He also took my smaller case which had my contacts, my spare pair of glasses, then he went into the bathroom and stole my glasses from there. There's actually a lot more, but you get the idea.

Now don't get too worried because for every one bad person that comes into your life, 10 angels appear. I walked to my buddy Juan Carlos who was a prince and helped my get on the phone and start the recovery process. He also helped me get the police report -- that could be an entire blog in itself. The United States embassy has been great. Then I made those tough calls to my overly-protective sisters and my family in Chicago, Keith and Nancy. Of course it's sort of tough to call them overly-protective after what happened, I suppose. Karen wired me money and I started a long week of putting my life back in order. Keith and Nancy are helping me replace my contacts and my computer. My buddy in Chicago, Sami, has offered to send me new lyric sheets for my gigs. Everything is going to be OK. Damn, I'm sorry to be such a bother to my family and friends. Especially Keith and Nancy now as they are carrying the load of getting me a lot of the new stuff. I LOVE YOU KEITH. And Nancy if you were a guy I'd love you just as much.

Speaking of princes, two people came into my life that I probably would not have met -- Brian Kirby and Ricardo Gonzalez. Brian lives in my building and came to the rescue of a fellow gringo in trouble. Brian is gay, from Illinois, and a CPA. Damn it's a small world. He and his Mexican buddy Ricardo have been constantly helping me since the robbery and I have new best friends. But don't tell them that, I'm trying to learn the lingo here where you call your best friend a pinche puta. And let's face it, always telling someone how great they are and how you could never have survived this ordeal without them is pretty boring, even if it's true. They're fucking great and I will never be able to repay them and Juan Carlos and my sisters and my friends for their help. I am a really lucky guy to have these people in my life. I believe I'll manage without the Jerry Lewis telethon, but if anyone is inclined to mention my problems to Jerry, it could be a very compelling show. I think we could do it in just a few hours of television, not the whole weekend. But prime time naturally.

I now have one new suit, a new telephone, glasses ordered, etc. I also have a cool piano gig now every Thursday. Resources has been a lot more encouraging about an accounting job. My new buddy Ricardo is tutoring me privately in Spanish (I can ask him certain questions I couldn't ask my professor at the university). I'm even talking (very prematurely, but seriously) with Brian and Ricardo about starting our own English Language school here. Life is good. Hopefully, I'll have pictures back in the blog soon.

Affectionately GagginMexico. fmarlman@aol.com

HAPPY DAY OF THE DEAD

Mexico City has 20 million people. I think 10 million were in the main square today for the Day of the Dead Celebrations. Everyone has to eat some Day of the Dead Bread which they form to look like a pile of bones. It's really tasty, loaded with butter and covered in sugar. The first pictures shows ovens they set up in the square to bake Pan de Dia de los Muertos. Of course they sell it all over town from street corner puestos to the Wal-Mart.

There were tons of scenes set up with skeletons taking the place of people. Some on a bus, some baking bread, street scenes. My favorite was the professional wrestling. Do you think this guy has a death grip on his opponent?

Where's the ref, this guy shouldn't be jumping out of the ring should he?




So here's the perfect opportunity for me to tell my favorite wrestling joke. Johnny, a kid who had never won a match was going up against the undefeated phenomonen. The entire state was talking about the mysterious wrestling hold he had perfected, THE PRETZEL. No one ever gets out of THE PRETZEL. So the coach watches Johnny fall into THE PRETZEL hold and figures that's it. But suddenly Johnny exhibits super human strength and bursts out of the hold and pins the undefeated champion. The coach gets Johnny back to the locker room and asks how the hell he got out of that hold. "Well coach, there I was in THE PRETZEL and I figure I'm done for. But right in front of my face I see testicles -- so I bite 'em. Damn, it's amazing what you can do when you bite your own testicles." Sorry folks.


Here's some cuties. Look behind the little devil, you'll see the wall of skulls. It's in the exact location where the Aztecs had their real wall of skulls from their sacrifices. The third cutie is Alex from my Spanish Class. She's from Singapore, cool, huh? Don't get your hopes up you guys who are still hoping I'll bring home a nice girl. Her husband David (also a cutie) is just outside the picture. She's standing next to murals they make with the bread.







Now here's a warning. The next picture is really scary. If you are at all squeamish, don't scroll down. MEDICAL WARNING!! IF YOU HAVE A WEAK HEART, PLEASE LEAVE THE BLOG NOW. I'm not sure what kind of mentality could have come up with such a monster as this, but here it is for posterity. Scroll down if you dare.










PLEASE TAKE A DEEP BREATH -- PREPARE YOURSELF!!













Come visit, if you dare. GAGGinMexico. fmarlman@aol.com

WEIRD FRUITS

Hi guys,


Now don't get the wrong idea from the title. This is about things you eat.(?) I promise something more salacious in the future. Speaking of weird fruits, however, I did go to my favorite gay cantina this week and sang karaoke. They really loved me!! I sang a song in Spanish and they were stomping their feet and shouting "otra, otra" which means "more, more" -- I think. I hope! A really sweet old guy came and kissed me on the cheek and asked me to sing Sinatra's "New Jork, New Jork". How could I refuse, ham that I am. I also met Josue (Spanish for Joshua). Very elegant, 40, and good English. He's the customer service supervisor for Nordstrom's in Mexico. So I have a date with Alejandro tonight, Juan Carlos is taking me to a Halloween party tomorrow (just friends), and a date with Josue on Tuesday. I know you doubted me when I said I was the most beautiful man in Mexico City. The eye of the beholder must be a little myopic here, but what the hell.




So on to the truly weird fruit. First the chayote. I need some suggestions of what I should do with this ugly thing. Keep it clean!! It's about the size of a pear and in the squash family. It's crispy and a little like jicama. I ate it raw with lime juice, chili, and salt. Very tasty. My Spanish teacher says to parboil it and add onion and cheese. Seems weird, but I'll try it anything that sounds weird

Now here's my juice lady, Lucila. I asked her for a juice that would make me handsome. She confirmed my thoughts that I was handsome, but maybe could lose a little weight. Brutal honesty is always good from your hairdresser, your doctor, and your juice lady. Apparently, the Mexican ladies don't find me as attractive as the men -- perfect!! So on her advice I have a daily glass of Licuado Verde. There are a lot of ingredients and it takes quite a while to make. It starts with a little fresh orange juice and pineapple. Then the green things start getting thrown in. Celery leaves (the stalk is thrown away), parsley, nopal (prickly pear cactus stems), and xoconostle (see picture below). She's very tolerant of my bad Spanish and really sweet. I've met all of her five kids in two weeks -- there's always one at the stand with her. Note the everpresent pictures of Jesus, the Virgin of Guadalupe, and the flowers. Usually plastic flowers, but Lucila's are real. I only go the upscale juice ladies. With Jesus and the Virgin looking over her shoulder, the juice must be good, right? Maybe tomorrow I'll ask for a Jesus juice and see what I get. It's too late for the Virgin juice, I presume.

So here's the famous xoconostle. It's about the size of kiwi and slightly tart. One of the upscale restaurants here cooks it with a heavy syrup and serves it over ice cream. Lucila told me something about them and the words gas. So I'm not sure if they cause gas, cure gas, or are the future of ethanol. If anybody knows, please write.




















I will try to update the blog every Friday. Write me or come visit, some of you could use a little Jesus juice.



Affectionately, GAGG in Mexico fmarlman@aol.com

Don't Tell My Mom

Hola Amigos,

So I'm here in Mexico City and doing OK. Moving is hard.


The first thing you need to know is that I intend this blog to be frank and unexpurgated. So DON'T DISCUSS WITH MY MOTHER!! She gets a special edited version.


To start with I thought it would help to give you a feel for where I grew up. The town is Las Animas, Colorado. I just spent a year there last week. The full name is Las Animas Perdidas in Purgatorio -- translation, "Lost Souls in Purgatory." Here's a picture of the landscape outside of Las Animas. It pretty much explains the name doesn't it?

Bleak, ain't it? This is the exact spot where my great grandfather had a country store and gas station in the 1930's -- including an illegal slot machine. He built right on the county line, so when the sherriff came to investigate, he would just push the one-armed bandit into the other county on the other side of the store. Unfortunately, they sometimes got together and arrived at the same time to smash it up. He would then just buy another one.


Here's a picture of the courthouse, kind of nice I suppose. Las Animas is the seat of Bent County. Nobody there thinks it's funny that the county is named "Bent." They also don't think it's funny that our football team is called the Trojans. Sarcasm is pretty much wasted in this little town. But the picture does show the best thing about Las Animas, the sky is always big and blue.







So are you wondering about my blog's title? Translation -- Gringo (you know what that means), Alto (tall), Guapo (handsome), Gordo (fat). Of course the acronym GAGG is funny. Gag like a joke, not like choking on something, come on!! Isn't it strange that the same word can cover both? English is crazy. One of the reasons I moved to Mexico City (not the only reason) is that I'm considered quite the handsome guy here. They like their men tall and a little chunky. Don't you think everyone should live in the place where they are considered the most beautiful?


This town is loud and confusing and sometimes a little dirty and dangerous. But it is filled with unexpected pleasures if your open your eyes and heart. As I left my apartment yesterday, I took this picture. There are 7 food stands right outside my door. Hey, a clown's gotta eat, right?




Affectionately yours, GAGG in Mexico. fmarlman@aol.com