NO PICTURE WEEK

Hi, what a week. Sorry no pictures this time, I'll explain later. First, I want to pass on my favorite new phrases in Spanish. As I passed the KFC I saw the sign for "finger-lickin' good" -- "para chuparse los dedos". Literally translated as "for one to suck the fingers." God I love that! I think sucking the fingers is more exact than licking. I give this one to the Mexicans. Another thing they say better is "aqui tiene" when they give you something, like in a restaurant. It literally translates as "here you have". I was having coffee and the waiter gave me my coffee, "aqui tiene". Then he asked me to help him with his English. So I told him for the gringos he should say "here you go". Of course he thought I didn't understand. Go? who's going? what's going? "Here you go" really doesn't make any sense does it? Another win for the the Mexicans.

OK, now for the dirty words -- my favorite so far is "huevon" literally to be like eggs. It indicates laziness. Follow the logic: huevos are eggs, they also call testicles eggs. So to be huevon is to hang around doing nothing, just getting in the way -- like testicles. Brilliant!! Another win for the Mexicans. I can not think of anything that descriptive and creative in English. Write to me if you have examples.

A word you hear a lot here is "pinche". Rough translation is "fucking". The pinche traffic, the pinche police, you can refer to your buddy, in a joking way of course, as a pinche pendejo. Used all the time. And speaking of pinche pendejos I was robbed last Friday night.

Don't freak out, I'm OK -- quite a bit poorer, but just fine. I had been talking with a young guy at the Starbucks. It was the second time I had met him and he was really, really charming and great at helping me with my Spanish. He asked where I lived and I told him I lived very close. We had been talking about my translation program on my laptop and the pictures I had taken. He really wanted to see this so I invited him to my apartment to look. I really didn't have ulterior motives. I mean I'm no saint and it's not that the thought didn't cross my mind, but it really was an innocent invitation. He asked to stop at the store to get some wine as a present for me, fine. We were looking at the translation program, I drank a glass of the shitty wine he bought and the next thing I remember is walking around groggily at 5:30. The pinche pendejo drugged me. He stole my laptop, my camera (ergo, no pictures this week), my wallet, my money, my credit cards (including the ones I had hidden for emergencies), my two telephones, my passport, my suitcase which he filled up with five suits, 10 shirts, my best pairs of shoes. He also took my smaller case which had my contacts, my spare pair of glasses, then he went into the bathroom and stole my glasses from there. There's actually a lot more, but you get the idea.

Now don't get too worried because for every one bad person that comes into your life, 10 angels appear. I walked to my buddy Juan Carlos who was a prince and helped my get on the phone and start the recovery process. He also helped me get the police report -- that could be an entire blog in itself. The United States embassy has been great. Then I made those tough calls to my overly-protective sisters and my family in Chicago, Keith and Nancy. Of course it's sort of tough to call them overly-protective after what happened, I suppose. Karen wired me money and I started a long week of putting my life back in order. Keith and Nancy are helping me replace my contacts and my computer. My buddy in Chicago, Sami, has offered to send me new lyric sheets for my gigs. Everything is going to be OK. Damn, I'm sorry to be such a bother to my family and friends. Especially Keith and Nancy now as they are carrying the load of getting me a lot of the new stuff. I LOVE YOU KEITH. And Nancy if you were a guy I'd love you just as much.

Speaking of princes, two people came into my life that I probably would not have met -- Brian Kirby and Ricardo Gonzalez. Brian lives in my building and came to the rescue of a fellow gringo in trouble. Brian is gay, from Illinois, and a CPA. Damn it's a small world. He and his Mexican buddy Ricardo have been constantly helping me since the robbery and I have new best friends. But don't tell them that, I'm trying to learn the lingo here where you call your best friend a pinche puta. And let's face it, always telling someone how great they are and how you could never have survived this ordeal without them is pretty boring, even if it's true. They're fucking great and I will never be able to repay them and Juan Carlos and my sisters and my friends for their help. I am a really lucky guy to have these people in my life. I believe I'll manage without the Jerry Lewis telethon, but if anyone is inclined to mention my problems to Jerry, it could be a very compelling show. I think we could do it in just a few hours of television, not the whole weekend. But prime time naturally.

I now have one new suit, a new telephone, glasses ordered, etc. I also have a cool piano gig now every Thursday. Resources has been a lot more encouraging about an accounting job. My new buddy Ricardo is tutoring me privately in Spanish (I can ask him certain questions I couldn't ask my professor at the university). I'm even talking (very prematurely, but seriously) with Brian and Ricardo about starting our own English Language school here. Life is good. Hopefully, I'll have pictures back in the blog soon.

Affectionately GagginMexico. fmarlman@aol.com